Hot Girl Health

If you line up the people you’ve been loyal to at one point in your life or another, you’ll know instantly whether they have had a positive or negative impact on who you are as a person. And sometimes both are true and often in seasons. If you’re like me, you think of yourself as fiercely dedicated to the people who have been there for you, even prided yourself on it, it’s part of the reason why I hate letting go so much. But has that always served me well? The answer is no.

Usually when people think of loyalty, it’s all good things.  It’s “ride or die”, your forever friends, down for your man.  And what’s bad about that? Nobody wants someone who isn’t there for them or a fair weather friend. But as much as I hated to admit it, there’s a looming cloud and unseen anchor that can come from being so loyal that you blind yourself. It’s a good trait on paper and with the right people in practice, but in the wrong connection it can actually lead straight to your downfall.  

Loyalty makes you tolerate of things. You can actually get used to being disrespected, relationship imbalances, and constant boundary testing just because you have been there for so long and have learned to regulate, absorb, or normalize the behavior (often without knowing). “That’s just them.” It takes a long time and some hindsight to realize what you willingly or unwittingly put up with, just under the guise of being a “good” friend/partner. It’s always hardest to see a situation for what it is when you’re actively in it.

At first, it’s not always obvious.  If you’re loyal to this person, you most likely feel secure in knowing and trusting them.  But then maybe one day you just have a tiny feeling.  Maybe they say or do something that’s off.  The small things begin adding up. Little by little, you begin not enjoying them or their company, you start waking up from the spell.  The energy that used to flow between you is not easy anymore. They’re saying or doing things you don’t like, but you’re stuck. The relationship becomes work, it’s draining and exhausting you. You know you need space. “But they’ve been in my life for xyz amount of time and have seen me through xyz amount of things,” you tell yourself. “I don’t want to just throw that away.”

So how do you know when it’s time to break the connection and how do you gain the mindset to do so?

First, never ignore any subtle intuition of yours ever. Often before someone is ready to let go, they have to have a “come to” moment, a lightbulb that finally goes off in their head. It’s important to ask yourself: is this person making my life easier?  Are they adding stress to my life? Are they adding happiness? Do they make it harder to achieve my goals?  Am I making their life easier, but they aren’t mine? Are the affections one-sided?  Am I stuck in a cycle? Do I get anything helpful/worthwhile from dragging this relationship behind me? Is it eating away at me?  These questions can all be applied to both platonic and romantic relationships: friends, family, partners, or lovers.

This is a process that requires you to be honest with yourself.  Once you even start to wonder, that’s an indicator. It’s also vital to know that you don’t have to stay stuck in a relationship just to prove something, ego doesn’t serve you forever.  I get trying to salvage any remaining pieces to rebuild the float to stay on just for old times sake, but get dragged too much under the surface and you’ll drown.

It’s not negative to outgrow people.  It’s not negative to want more for yourself, beyond the scope of what they can and want to give to you. But it is a bad thing to stay stagnant. Having the wrong connections or ill-fitted ones will keep you stuck in place, tethered down. And by “outgrowing” I don’t only mean one person is obviously doing “better” in life stages, but what you value in life becomes different.  The way you think about life and what’s important to you has diverged from them.  Maybe who you are as a person has developed and it’s out of sync with who they are. Trying to make those pieces fit when you can tell it’s just not working anymore, no matter the history, will just lead to a build up of emotions. When you keep someone in your life who you fundamentally disagree with, nothing good can come from it. You’ll either change yourself to fit the mold, grow resentful, or get tangled up in their mess that you didn’t agree with in the first place. 

Every situation might not call for “cutting someone off,” but sometimes that is the only way to know peace. Usually if you consider yourself loyal to someone, the relationship is deep enough to where normal boundaries might be blurred or easily crossed under circumstances. Once this happens, redrawing the line isn’t always possible. Healthy communication works with some people, and others, silence is the best way to get the message delivered.

But don’t get me wrong, loyalty can be a beautiful and pure hearted trait, the right people will love and reciprocate it and you will mutually thrive together. Despite my warnings, it’s not an ugly thing to be loyal or something to hate about yourself, it shows the dedication and devotion to things precious to you. But it’s equally important to be able to discern when it’s not serving you and your time with someone is up, for your own sanity.  Self awareness is key to all things healthy in your life, including all of your relationships and the dynamics present in them.  The signals that your body sends to you in the form of gut feelings and intuition are means of self preservation.  Your emotional health affects your mental affects your physical, and in reverse order too. You’ll be surprised at the weightlessness that comes from letting go of negative ties.  Free yourself when you know it’s time to go and watch your life open up.

Thank you for reading!!!