Hot Girl Health

How to heal

I  think closure is something that sounds good in practice.  You and the other person pour your hearts out, both say sorry and thank you, wipe your hands of it, and then move on free as a bird, light as a feather, all emotions cut off like that, rest in peace.  I’m sure that’s real for some people, but what if it’s not?  What if you feel like by just talking to them you get sucked back in?  And what about a third option, if you don’t even get that talk at all?  Then how do you move on, are you just doomed?  I’m going to explain in this article how 1, closure is decided by you and 2, how to heal when you want closure but can’t get it.

Closure is decided by you.  What do I mean by that?  The only way you’re going to move on is if you truly want to.  Lots of times when you ask someone why they can’t move on they just say “It’s hard” ,“I love them” or “I don’t want to be single again.”  Those words aren’t from the mindset of a person who wants to move on.  “I love myself”, “I want better for myself”, ”I want a different experience”, “I’m meant for more”, this is someone who is realizing they want to break the loop.  Everything starts with the mindset.  When your mindset changes, the way you talk to yourself changes, the chemistry in your brain changes, and the world slowly starts to follow.  

To heal means to keep going.  As nonsexy as this answer is, the only way out the tunnel is to keep going through.  And in the darkness, don’t avoid your feelings, don’t distract them, just sit with them.  Let them touch you and pass through.  Be introspective, be self aware.  Thinking about your emotions isn’t inherently bad, because to reconcile with something you need the space to look back at it, to be able to see things from a more emotionally removed viewpoint. 

Unanswered questions are probably the hardest part when it comes to “keep going” with unresolved closure, especially when you don’t get that last talk or moment.  Because it feels like, how do you keep moving forward, when those what ifs have you by the ankle stuck?  This brings me to my next point.

Time is the great neutralizer.  Time does heal.  It might not make you who you were again, but you don’t need to be.  Do NOT beat yourself up over things you just didn’t know yet, especially when there was no way you could know until you’ve lived it.  Now armed with new information, upgraded recognition, and the wherewithal that you’ve freshly gained, you’re already further along than you were before, even if you haven’t gotten to where you can see that yet.  With those unresolved questions, you’ll either naturally come to the conclusion through time or the answer will cease to matter. And it is so important to be patient with time.  People rush way too much, “it’s already been 2 months, they’ve already done xyz, I’m already this age.”  Okay?  If you aren’t there yet, then it hasn’t been long enough.  Time limits exist because we make them so.  In this case when it comes to moving on, your body and mind are healing itself, your thoughts are breaking down and reforming, your way of life is changing, all these things aren’t overnight or fast.  Take your time and don’t be sorry.

My last point to giving yourself closure is to shut down the daydreams, the past or future lives that haven’t happened, the “potential.”  Those scenarios aren’t real and if it was going to happen, it would’ve already.  I’m not sure if everyone is a chronic daydreamer like me, but there are unexpected dangers with daydreaming too much.  You can train your thoughts to them, which delays the moving on process, keeping you stuck in the mental cycle, obsessing and mulling.  It’s not productive thinking, it’s wish fulfillment.  Instead, try to think: what is the version of me that I want to be, thinking of?  Is she still daydreaming about deadends?  Or is she thinking about how proud she is of her successes she’s achieved, how far she’s come, and that everything worked out how it was supposed to?  This chapter was enlightening, and now she knows the next will be even better.  When you want to be that new version of yourself, you don’t just emulate through style or mannerisms, but also through conscious thought.  You become her in body, mind, and spirit.

There’s no overnight success with closure, as hard as that is to hear.  Heartbreak is very end of the world, time stopping, a hard to see through the dark consuming emotion, but when you hit that first breath of fresh air, that sunshine on your face, that sense of calm, it’s transformative.  Let it be transformative in a good way, let it break you down, so you can build yourself back up better.  You don’t need to compete with any past version of yourself.  Healing isn’t linear, but that can also be the fun in it.  Rediscovering yourself doesn’t have to be a chore or sad or lonely, it can breathe into you a new sense of purpose.  Life pivots and so do you.  Giving yourself closure is also giving yourself peace of mind.  It’s giving yourself trust, acknowledgement, freedom, and self love.  If you want those things, you’ll have them.

I hope this helps someone, thank you for reading!!!