Hot Girl Health

I have a love-hate relationship with perfectionism.  Sometimes, I honestly like it.  It pushes me, it makes me want to better myself, it keeps me from getting sloppy.  But other times, I can tell it holds me back.  I like the external validation I get from others, it’s an easy trap to fall into, wanting to be seen as someone who holds themself well.  You feel good that people think of you as reliable, no one doubts your ability to be at the top of your game, and the predictability keeps everyone happy.  But behind the ideal, there’s always a real person.  And real people have seasons in their life.  To upkeep being perfect comes with huge downsides and overtime it can manifest into more of a curse than a blessing.  I’ll talk about two points: the self and others.

The first and most important point is that it’s self sabotage.  It’s just impossible to be “on” all the time.  But at the same time, perfectionists are hard on ourselves even to our mental detriment, it’s how we know to survive.  Likely the perfectionism permeates specific aspects of your personality, leading you to default to those ingrained habits unknowingly.  It shows in ways like avoiding trying new things for fear of not being able to do them perfectly from the get go or not putting yourself out there for fear of an unperfect perception, letting opportunities pass you by without you realizing it.  You tend to stand in your own way, forever gatekeeping yourself from letting go of the reins. 

The perfectionist must learn the mindset that if you “fail,” it’s first a lesson and then a redirection.  The journey is part of the experience, whether anyone else witnesses the painstakingness of it or not.  It’s okay to be a beginner at things, it’s okay to mess up, and it’s okay to not always be striving for yours or others high expectations.

Besides your own self blocks, when it comes to other people, there’s a glee in watching someone they thought was infallible fall.  If you think about people who are known to be perfectionists, you usually don’t know anything is wrong until it’s to the point where they can no longer contain their vices and externally need help.  Perfectionists tend to hide some parts of who they are, sacrificing others knowing their real and sincere selves to upkeep the image.

But be warned, people who get put on pedestals all come down eventually.  As I said earlier, perfectionism isn’t sustainable forever.  But when others don’t see you doing badly or see what goes on behind the scenes, it brings out their own insecurities.  As I quoted before, appearing too perfect is not necessarily a good thing.  Even if you know that you’re struggling and you know the hard work, the sheer effort, and sometimes years of meticulous thought and molding that are put into doing what you do, others don’t and might not even want to acknowledge that.  Doing so puts up a mirror to their own life.  The end result is what most people will pay attention to, what’s shiny and well-oiled, not the grunt work that got you there.  Perfectionism attracts envy, especially if you aren’t outwardly sloppy.  Now is this your fault?  No, but nothing good can come from feeding your ego this way and provoking people, whether intentional or not.  People are built up just to watch them be torn down.

Perfectionism can create a fake image of who you are to others. This might work to your advantage for a while. But just like being on a pedestal, the mirage dissipates and it doesn’t last forever. Then you will be the one feeling like you misled someone, even though they are the ones that built up this false image of you to begin with. And if the veil does last, your true self will never be known to that person. It’s a lonely disconnect to be a real person trapped in a perfect fantasy.

So what can we do about this?  Is it our fate to just burn too close to the sun forever?  Live in perpetual fear of disappointing ourselves and others? I think with perfectionists, instead of living in self loathing and overhauling the fabric of who you are to try and be “less”, you just have to know yourself.  Know your limits, know your boundaries, know which battles are worth the effort or fight, know that you can quit, know that you have autonomy over your own life, and know that the only person that needs to be happy is you.  You also don’t have to do things perfectly to do them well.  Not every single thing has to be given the same amount of gargantuan effort.  Cultivate a sense of which things need your energy and which don’t.  Perfectionism isn’t all bad, not everyone can even do it to begin with (be proud of trying), but don’t let it take over.  You can’t control the way other people think about you either, whether real or fake, don’t get disappointed with yourself not living up to unreachable standards.

Real people are multi layered, multi dimensional, with all the history and feelings that comes with, the ups and the downs, the flowing and ebbing of the tides.  That’s what gives us balance.  Release the death grip on never giving yourself grace.  From one perfectionist to another, there’s more to life than constantly regulating yourself.  Just exist.

Thank you for reading!